Text 4. WHAT MADE THE LITTLE DOG EXPIRE
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The event I'm going to tell you about happened in England shortly after World War II. A certain English 1ady intended to give a party. She wanted to invite a number of friends for dinner and a game of bridge. It was easy enough to ask people to come, but far more difficult to provide a meal for them. However, on the very morning of the party the problem was unexpectedly solved.
"There is a man, Ma’am, at the back door, offering to sell mushrooms," the maid-servant announced.
The 1ady, accompanied by her little terrier, came down to the kitchen and found there a rather strange-looking man with a basket over his arm. The 1ady knew nothing about mushrooms and inquired the man if they were not poisonous. The man reassured her that they weren't and named such a small price for the whole lot that the lady readily paid the money at once, ordering her servant to empty the basket and return it to its owner. While the servant was emptying the basket she dropped a mushroom, and the fox terrier immediately ate it.
"There, that dog knows what's good," the stranger said. Putting the money, into his pocket, he laughed and left the kitchen.
Soon the guests arrived and were served a dish of mushrooms, which they thought a treat. While dinner was in progress, the hostess noticed that the servant's eyes were red with weeping. Calling her aside, the lady asked what was the reason of her tears.
"Oh, Ma’am, I didn't want to upset you... the little... the poor thing has died ...," the girl said sobbing.
The terrible truth flashed through the lady's mind. She saw her duty clearly and addressed her guests:
"Ladies and gentlemen," she said. "I'm sorry to say that, but the mushrooms I've offered you turned out to be poisonous. We must act and act quickly, if we want to save our lives.”
There was a general panic. Some of the gentlemen swore, some of the 1adies cried. But one man suggested going to the nearest hospital to have the contents of their stomachs pumped out. All rushed to save their lives. The staff of the hospital were surprised to have a group of patients in evening clothes. Naturally, no one thought of playing cards after this. On arriving home the lady wanted to know where the terrier's body was.
"Oh", said the servant, still sobbing, "the gardener has buried it, for it was so badly smashed; and we didn't even have time enough to put down the number of the car that so cruelly ran over the poor little pet!”
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Task. True or false?
1. It was hard for the hostess to decide what to cook because she wanted the meal to be unusual.
2. The lady wanted her guests to play cards after dinner.
3. The mushrooms were very cheap.
4. The servant was weeping because the fox-terrier had eaten a poisonous mushroom and died.
5. The guests were shocked to know that the mushrooms were dangerous for their health.
6. They didn’t play cards because there was no time left for that.
Text 5. THE LUNCHEON (After S. Maugham)
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I saw her at the play and in answer to her beckoning I went over during the interval and sat down beside her. It was long since I had last seen her. She addressed me brightly:
“Well, it’s many years since we first met. How time does fly! Do you remember the first time I saw you? You asked me for luncheon.”
Did I remember?
It was twenty years ago and I was living in Paris. I had a small apartment in the Latin Quarter overlooking a cemetery and I was earning money to keep body and soul together. She had read a book of mine and had written to me about it, saying that she was passing through Paris and would like to have a talk with me. She asked me if I would give her a little luncheon at Foyot's. Foyot's was so far beyond my means that I had never even thought of going there. But I was flattered and I was too young to have learnt to say no to a woman. So I answered that I would meet her at Foyot’s on Thursday at half past twelve.
She was not so young as I had expected, and in appearance imposing rather than attractive. It seemed to me that she wanted to talk about me and I prepared to be a good listener.
I was startled when the menu was brought, for the prices were a great deal higher than I had thought. But she reassured me, "I never eat anything for luncheon." she said. “Oh, don’t say that!" I answered generously. "I never eat more than one thing. I think people eat too much nowadays. A little fish perhaps. I wonder if they have any salmon."
Well, it was early in the year for salmon and it wasn't on the menu, but I asked the waiter if they had any. Yes, a beautiful salmon had just come in, and I ordered it for my guest. The waiter asked her if she would have something while it was being cooked.
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"No," she answered, "I never eat more than one thing. Unless you had a little caviare. I never mind caviar."
My heart sank a little. I knew I could not afford caviare, but I couldn't tell her that. I told the waiter by all means to bring caviare. For myself I chose the cheapest dish on the menu and that was a mutton chop. "I think you are unwise to eat meat," she said. "I don't know how you can expect to work after eating heavy things like chops."
Then came the question of drinks.
"I never drink anything for luncheon," she said.
"Neither do I," I answered quickly.
"Except white wine," she went on as though I had not spoken. “These French wines are so light. They are wonderful for digestion. My doctor won't let me drink anything but champagne.”
I turned pale. I ordered half a bottle. I said that my doctor had absolutely forbidden me to drink champagne. I drank water.
She ate the caviare and she ate the salmon. She talked of art and literature and music, but I wondered what the bill would come to. When my mutton chop arrived she said: "I see that you are in the habit of eating a heavy luncheon. I'm sure it’s a mistake. Why don’t you follow my example and just eat one thing?"
The waiter came again with the menu. She waved him aside with an airy gesture.
"No, no, I never eat anything for luncheon. Just a bite. I can't possibly eat anything more – unless they had some of those giant asparagus. I should be sorry to leave Paris without having some of them."
My heart sank. I had seen them in the shops and they were horribly expensive.
“Madame wants to know if you have any of those giant asparagus,” I asked the waiter. I tried with all my might to make him say no. A happy smile appeared over his broad face and he told me they had some, so large and so splendid. I ordered them.
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We waited for the asparagus to be cooked. Panic seized me. It was not the question now how much money I would have for the rest of the month, but whether I had enough to pay the bill.
The asparagus appeared. They were so great. I watched her eating them.
When she finished eating I said, "Coffee?"
"Yes, just an ice cream and coffee," she answered.
It was all the same to me now, so I ordered coffee and ice cream for her and coffee for myself.
Then a terrible thing happened. While we were waiting for the coffee, the headwaiter came up to us with a large basket full of huge peaches. Peaches were not in season then. God knew what they cost. My guest, going on with her conversation, absent-mindedly took one.
"You see, you've filled your stomach with a 1ot of meat and you can't eat anything more. But I've just had a bite and I shall enjoy a peach."
The bill came and when I paid it I found that I didn't have enough money for a good tip. When I walked out of the restaurant I had the whole month before me and not a penny in my pocket.
"Follow my example," she said as we shook hands, “and never eat more than one thing for luncheon."
"I’ll do better than that," I answered. I’ll eat nothing for dinner tonight".
“Humorist, you are quite a humorist," she cried gaily, jumping into a cab.
But I have had my revenge at last. I do not believe that I am a revengeful man, but when the immortal gods take a hand in the matter it is pardonable to observe the result with self-satisfaction.
Today she weighs one hundred and thirty kilograms.
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