Distant Views (by Richard Armour)
Two sayings that I’ve been inclined
In puzzlement sometimes to ponder
Are Out of sight is out of mind
And Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
They’re opposite like day and night,
The very height of contradiction,
No more alike than black and white,
Or large and small, or fact and fiction.
To reconcile them, though, I’ve quit;
It’s not a thing I’m growing gray from,
For I have found, at last, that it
Depends on WHOM you are away from.
Text 2. HOW WE KEPT MOTHER’S DAY (After Stephen Leacock)
Read the text and do the tasks.
Of all the different ideas that have appeared lately, I think the very best one is celebrating Mother’s Day every year. We decided that we’d make Mother’s Day a great holiday for all the family and do everything we could to make Mother happy. Father decided to take a holiday from his office, my sister Ann and I stayed at home from college, and Mary and my brother Will stayed at home from school. Mary and Ann bought new hats for the holiday. We wanted to buy a new hat for Mother, too, but she said she preferred to wear her old one, it was so becoming.
It was our plan to make it a day like Christmas or any other big holiday, and so we decided to decorate the house with flowers, and all that kind of things. We got Mother to do the decorations, because she always does it at Christmas.
We decided that we should get a car and take Mother for a beautiful drive into the country because she is busy in the house nearly all the time.
So we got everything ready for a trip, and we got Mother to make up a sort of lunch in case we got hungry, though of course we planned to come back home again to a big dinner in the middle of the day. Mother packed it all for us ready to put in the car.
Well, when the car came to the door it turned out that it was much smaller than we had thought and it was clear that we couldn’t all get in.
Father said that he could just as well stay at home and spend time working in the garden, he wanted us to go and be happy and have a good day. But of course we all felt that it would never do to let Father stay at home, especially as we knew he wouldn’t be happy if he did. Mary and Ann were prepared to stay and get dinner ready. They both said that Mother had only to say a word and they’d gladly stay at home and work. Only it was such a pity not to have a chance to wear the new hats they had bought. It was no use to leave Will and me, as we couldn’t help in getting dinner ready.
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So in the end it was decided that Mother would stay at home and just have a lovely restful day around the house, and get the dinner ready. The weather was just a little bit cold, though it was sunny, and Father was rather afraid that Mother might catch cold if she came.
So we all drove away with three cheers for Mother, and she stood and watched us from the veranda for as long as she could see us.
Well, – we had the loveliest day up among the hills. Father caught a lot of big fish, Will and I fished too, though we didn’t get so many as Father, and the girls met a lot of people they knew and chatted with them and had a good time.
It was quite late when we got back, nearly seven o’clock, but Mother had guessed that we would be late, so she had made the dinner later so as to have it nicely ready and hot for us.
The dinner lasted a long time, and Mother had to get up and down a lot during the meal bringing things and taking them away, and when it was over all of us wanted to help to clear the table and wash the dishes, but Mother said that she would rather do it herself, and so we let her just to please her.
It was quite late when it was all over, and when we all kissed Mother before going to bed, she said it had been the most wonderful day in her life, and I think there were tears in her eyes.
Task 1. True or false?
1. The author thinks that Mother’s Day should become a national holiday.
2. Mother used Christmas decorations to make the flat look more beautiful.
3. It was decided that Mother would stay at home because it seemed the most reasonable thing to do.
4. The dinner was ready by the time the family came from the ride.
5. Mother did all the work to make this day a holiday.
6. Everything was done to make Mother happy.
Task 2
1. What could the family do to make their mother really happy?
2. How do you celebrate Women’s Day in your family?
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3. On what holidays do people in Great Britain and the USA congratulate their mothers?
When do they take place?
Text 3. APRIL FOOL’S DAY
Read and translate the text.
Unlike most of the other non-foolish holidays, the history of April Fool’s Day, sometimes called All Fool’s Day, is not totally clear. There really wasn’t a “first April Fool’s Day” that can be pinpointed on the calendar. Some believe it sort of evolved simultaneously in several cultures at the same time, from celebrations involving the first day of spring.
The closest point in time that can be identified as the beginning of this tradition was in 1582, in France. Prior to that year, the New Year was celebrated for eight days, beginning on March 25. The celebration culminated on April 1. With the reform of the calendar under Charles IX, the Gregorian Calendar was introduced, and New Year’s Day was moved to January 1.
However, communications being poor, many people did not receive the news for several years. Others, the more obstinate crowd, refused to accept the new calendar and continued to celebrate the New Year on April 1. These backward folk were labeled as “fools” by the general populace. They were subject to some ridicule, and were often sent on “fools errands” or were made the butt of other practical jokes.
This harassment evolved, over time, into a tradition of prank-playing on the first day of April. The tradition eventually spread to England and Scotland in the eighteenth century. It was later introduced to the American colonies of both the English and French. April Fool’s Day is a fun little holiday, but a holiday on which one must remain forever vigilant, for he may be the next April Fool!
April Fool’s Day developed into an international fun fest, so to speak, with different nationalities specializing in their own brand of humor at the expense of their friends and families.
In France today, April first is called “Poisson d’Avril.” French children fool their friends by taping a paper fish to their friends’ backs. When the “young fool” discovers this trick, the prankster yells “Poisson d’Avril!” (April Fish!)
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Today Americans play small tricks on friends and strangers alike on the first of April. One common trick on April Fool’s Day, or All Fool’s Day, is pointing down to a friend’s shoe and saying, “Your shoelace is untied.” School children might tell a classmate that school has been cancelled. Whatever the trick, if the innocent victim falls for the joke the prankster yells, “April Fool! ”
Practical jokes are a common practice on April Fool’s Day. Sometimes, elaborate practical jokes are played on friends or relatives that last the entire day. The news media even gets involved. For instance, a British short film once shown on April Fool’s Day was a fairly detailed documentary about “spaghetti farmers” and how they harvest their crop from the spaghetti trees.
College students set their clocks an hour behind, so their roommates show up to the wrong class – or not at all. Some practical jokes are kept up the whole day before the victim realizes what day it is. Most April Fool jokes are in good fun and not meant to harm anyone. The cleverest April Fool joke is the one where everyone laughs, especially the person upon whom the joke is played.
Answer the questions:
Do you ever play tricks on people on April Fools Day? Why or why not?
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