Exercise 3. Discuss the following in small groups.
1. Discuss the similarities and differences between a church wedding in England and a church wedding in your country. Think about such things as invitation cards, expenses, presents, clothes, hen party, stag party, the reception, the honeymoon, etc.
2. If you are married, say what you remember about your wedding day. If you are not married, describe the nicest wedding you have ever been to.
3. Discuss whether you think the expense of a big wedding is worth it. Also discuss whether you think it is true that most women would like their daughter to have a big wedding. Finally, discuss the advantages and disadvantages of getting married at a registry office (borgerlig vigsel).
Exercise 4. Agree or disagree with the following.
1. It is acceptable for a man to marry someone much younger than himself but not for a woman to do likewise.
2. The Women's Liberation Movement has created as many problems as it has solved.
3. Men are more interested in a person's physical appearance than women are.
4. Couples should not have children unless one of them is prepared to stay at home and look after the child until he or she is old enough to go to school.
5. It is impossible to have a successful career and a successful family life. You have to choose one or the other.
Text 9
Planning honeymoon trips
My fiancée and I are now planning our honeymoon trip because we are getting married in two months. However, we haven't decided on a specific honeymoon trip because there are so many options. First of all, my fiancée wants to visit Europe on our honeymoon, and she thinks it would be romantic traveling to different countries by train for a couple of weeks. She also thinks going on a honeymoon cruise to Hawaii would be a fun way to spend our vacation together. Personally, I'd rather spend a few weeks backpacking through Mexico of South American and visiting famous historical sites. No matter what we do, we have to carefully budget our money to cover travel and meal expenses because money doesn't grow on trees once you are married.
Exercise 1. Discuss the following in small groups.
1. What is your image of the ideal honeymoon?
2. Where would go and what would you do there?
Exercise 2. Online Investigation
Let's suppose that you have $2,000 dollars to spend on a honeymoon. Search the Internet to plan the ideal one-week honeymoon of your dreams. This money should cover all your expenses including domestic and international transportation, lodging, meals, souvenirs, and other incidental expenses, but you are not required to use all of it. Discuss your plan with a partner.
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Text 10
Till death or divorce do us apart
I have been married for five years. According to statistics, I only have a fifty-fifty chance of still being married after a further five years. This is a frightening thought and it is even more discomforting when I realize that nearly all my old friends in England are now divorced – couples who seemed blissfully happy during the first few years of their marriages.
A group of sociologists in Sweden have done a lot of research into marriage and divorce and their findings are somewhat alarming. According to them, the number of divorces in the past dozen or so years has doubled. And the figures seem to be rising steadily from year to year so that in twenty years' time there is a strong possibility that half the couples getting married today will be divorced. People have long talked about the "Seven Year Itch" (there was even a film about it), but there now seems to be some truth in the phenomena. There are very few divorces during the first three years of marriage, but between four to five years and up to eight to ten, the numbers are very high. These seem to be the critical years because after ten years the number of divorces are again relatively few. So the longer you have been married, the greater are your chances of staying married!
This leads us on to the all-important question of why couples decide to get divorced. It is an extremely difficult – virtually impossible – question to answer. It might be easier instead to look at some of the things that keep a couple together. The three most important factors seem to be the following:
• Social pressure. Twenty-five to thirty years ago it was socially unacceptable to get divorced. Although there is not the same pressure from friends and relatives to remain together nowadays, many couples regard divorce as an admission of "failure".
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• Children. Although children can be difficult at times and cause conflict between couples, on the whole they tend to bind them together, probably because each partner feels a great sense of responsibility for them.
• Economic factors. More and more wives are going out to work nowadays, so that couples get used to the standard of living made possible by having two incomes. Linked with this is the fact that the number of things a couple own jointly (e.g. a house, a car, furniture, etc.) acts as a kind of "brake". All these things will have to be shared should they get divorced.
To over-simplify things, one might say that couples who are "lazy" tend to stay together. It is just too much trouble to get divorced! But of those who actually do go through with it, what reasons do they give for getting divorced? As you would expect, they are many and varied. "Once the children had grown up there was nothing to keep us together... ." "My husband found another woman... ." "My wife found another man... ." "My husband found another man... ." "We slowly drifted apart... ." "We... etc, etc."
Interestingly enough, it seems to be more common nowadays for a wife to leave her husband, rather than vice-versa, just as it is increasingly common for the man to get custody of the children. An indirect result of the Women's Liberation Movement perhaps? Another reason sometimes put forward to explain the increase in the divorce rate is the ease with which couples can get a divorce. Legally, if you want to get divorced you can – you no longer have to find "grounds" for divorce, such as adultery, cruelty, etc. Although most people would agree that the present divorce laws are a great improvement on the old ones there is a certain degree of danger, too. Instead of facing up to and trying to solve their problems, many couples simply run away from them! Partners, like babies' nappies, have become disposable.
When people get married, they often do not realize and understand the challenges they will face in the future, but is divorce court the only solution when marital problems occur? Such challenges can include medical, financial, or phychological problems that surface at some point in a marriage. The question isn't whether or not we will face stress in a relationship; rather, it's how we will deal with stress and problems when they knock at our doorstep. Seeking a divorce at the first signs of stress isn't the only solution, especially if you have realistic expectations at the beginning of a relationship. First of all, when problems arise, the first thing to do is to communicate openly with your partner in a very concerned, non-judgemental way. More problems in a marriage occur because of selfishness than any other factor. Don't blame one another, but carefully analyze the situation and work together to resolve concerns. Second, because some marital problems arise due to financial problems, create a budget on how you will save and spend your money. Don't overextend yourself with credit. Only spend what you have rather than using credit cards. Third, consult with a marriage counselor or therapist to help you resolve problems. If people really love each other, they will do whatever it takes to preserve their marriage instead of seeking a quick divorce.
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But to get back to the question of divorce being too easy nowadays, no divorce is easy. It is an emotionally upsetting time for everyone concerned – especially when there are children involved. It leaves scars – some of which never heal.
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