PART III. SUPPLEMENTARY READING
NOT GUILTY
Going through the customs is a tiresome business. The strangest thing about it is that really honest people are often made to feel guilty. The professional smuggler, on the other hand, is never troubled by such feelings, even if he has five hundred gold watches hidden in his suitcase.
When I returned from abroad recently, a young customs officer clearly regarded me as a smuggler.
“Have you anything to declare?”, he asked looking at me in the eyes.
“No,” I answered confidently.
“Would you mind unlocking this suitcase, please?”
“Not at all,” I answered.
The officer went through the case with great care. All things that I had packed so carefully were soon in a dreadful mess.
I felt sure I’d never be able to close the case again.
Suddenly I saw the officer’s face light up. He had spotted a small bottle at the bottom of my suitcase.
“Perfume, sir?” he asked sarcastically.
“You should have declared that. Perfume is not relieved from import duty.”
“But it isn’t perfume. It’s hair oil.” Then I added with a smile. “I make myself this strange mixture.”
As I expected he didn’t believe me. “Try it,” I said. The officer unscrewed the cap and put the bottle to his nostrils.
He was greeted by an unpleasant smell which convinced him that I was telling the truth.
A few minutes later I was able to hurry away.
TASKS
Task 1. Answer the comprehension questions.
1. How was the author of this story regarded at the customs?
2. Did he have to open his suitcase?
3. What did he feel sure of?
4. What had the customer officer spotted at the bottom the suitcase?
5. Why should the author have declared perfume?
6. How did the customs officer understand that he had made a mistake?
Task 2. Problem questions.
a) Why did the customs officer examine the author’s baggage so carefully?
b) Why is it so that really honest people are often made to feel guilty while going through the customs?
c) Why is a professional smuggler never troubled by such feelings?
Task 3. Comment on the following.
A customs officer has to be a good judge of character.
SMUGGLER
Sam Levis was a customs officer. He used to work in a small border town. It wasn’t a busy town and there wasn’t much work. The road usually very quiet and there weren’t many travelers. It wasn’t a very interesting job, but Sam liked his easy life. About once a week, he used to meet an old man. His name was Draper. He always used to arrive at the border early in the morning in a big truck. The truck was always empty. After a while Sam became suspicious. He often used to search the truck, but he never found anything. One day he asked Draper about his job. Draper laughed and said, “I’m a smuggler.”
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Last year Sam retired. He spent his savings on an expensive holiday. He flew to Bermuda, and stayed in a luxury hotel. One day he was sitting by the pool and opposite him he saw Draper drinking champagne. Sam walked over to him.
Sam - Hello, there!
Draper - Hi!
Sam - Do you remember me?
Draper - Yes, of course I do. You are a customs officer.
Sam - I used to be, but I’m not any more. I retired last month. I often used to search your truck.
Draper - But you never found anything!
Sam - No, I didn’t. Can I ask you something?
Draper - Of course you can.
Sam - Your truck was always empty. What were you smuggling?
Draper - Trucks!
TASKS
Task 1. Answer the questions.
1. What was Sam Levis?
2. Where did he work?
3. Whom did he meet about once a week?
4. Why did Sam become suspicious?
5. What question did he ask the old man?
6. Where did the two men meet?
7. Did Draper remember him?
8. What had he smuggled?
Task 2. Say what you can remember about:
a) Sam’s work
b) Draper and his occupation
c) The way Sam spent his money after he had retired
Task 3. Answer the following questions.
1. What formalities must the person in charge of an inwarding means of conveyance go through on arrival?
2. What information must be reported to the customs officer?
3. What must the customs officer on duty do with the inward documents?
TWO COATS
The ship arrived at the port of London and the people aboard were waiting to get off. A very rich woman was talking to a man standing close to her. She had two expensive fur coats. She had bought them in Paris when she called at one of the best department stores.
It was a cold day and the woman was wearing one of her coats and had the other over her arm.
“If you take two coats like these into the country,” said the man, “you’ll have to pay a big duty on them. I know the customs officer always lets anyone take only one coat duty free but not two!”
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The rich woman walked away to the other side of the ship. She was very upset. There she saw a woman she knew. She took her to a quiet part of the ship. “Will you do me a favor?” asked the rich woman quietly. “I have got two expensive fur coats. But I mustn’t take two into England. Everyone may take only one, and you haven’t got a fur coat, have you?” “No,” said the woman. She was not rich and couldn’t buy expensive things.
“Good. Will you put this coat on? Then it will look like yours.”
The other woman put the coat on. She liked it. It was very beautiful and looked fine on her. She had never had a coat like that in her life. “Remember!” said the rich woman. “Don’t tell anyone about the coat and don’t look at me. Just get off the ship. Then when we are on the train you can give it back to me.”
The two women got off the ship and went through the customs quite all right. When everyone got on the train it started on its way to London. The rich woman found the other one and said, “Thank you very much. You have been very kind. Now you can give me back my coat.”
“Your coat?” asked the other. “This is my coat, and I am not going to give it to you or anyone else.”
What could the rich woman do?
TASKS
Task 1. Answer the following questions.
1. Where did the ship arrive at?
2. What kind of coats had the woman bought in Paris?
3. Had she packed the coats in the suitcase?
4. What were the customs regulations in respect of coats like these?
5. What did she ask a woman she knew about?
6. When was she planning to get her coat back?
7. Had the other woman ever had a coat like that in her life?
8. Where did the rich woman find her acquaintance?
9. Did the latter give back the coat to the rich woman?
Task 2. You are given four English proverbs. Choose the one that expresses the main idea of the story in the best way.
a) Birds of a feather flock together
b) A friend in need is a friend indeed
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c) Look before you leap
d) If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.
Task 3. Comment on the situation from the point of view of:
- the rich woman;
- the poor woman;
- the gentleman on board the ship.
IN THE DRIVING SEAT
When it comes to dealing with Customs officers, anywhere in the world, the Golden Rule has got to be: You can’t beat a professional at his game.
Case in point. Returning to New York City from a trip to Europe, a well-dressed, middle-aged woman on line in front of me put two bags on the counter and said. “Nothing to declare, officer.”
The inspector checked her passport and asked. “Where are you coming from?”
“Paris,” she told him.
He nodded. “No alcohol? No tobacco? No dairy products or meat? Have you bought anything for yourself or are you bringing any gifts?”
“No,” she insisted. “None of those things. Nothing to declare.”
“Okay.” He pointed to her smaller case. “Would you open that one for me, please.”
Now she started tst-tsking. “Officer, I know you’re never going to believe me, but this morning when I was packing to leave the hotel I closed my bags not realizing that I’d locked the keys inside. How silly of me. I’m sure it’s going to be a big problem when I get home because I’ll have to find a locksmith…”
The Customs official wasn’t in the least amazed. “Not to worry.” He reached into a drawer and pulled out a huge steel ring with no less than six million keys dangling from it. “I’m sure we can help.”
That’s when the woman remembered the Dior dress and the Armani shoes and the Gucci purse and the Bruno Magli boots and the Valentino sweater and the Piaget watch.
Some time ago Bill Wyman of the Rolling Stones was returning to London from a trip to the States. Just before he left, a friend in another band asked him to deliver a package to his wife. Naively, Wyman tossed it into his suitcase. At Heathrow, specially trained dogs surveyed the incoming luggage, got to Wyman’s and went absolutely wild. Customs pounced. Realizing that he’d been set up, Wyman tried to explain that a friend had given him a package and that he honestly didn’t have any idea what was in it. Sure, the officers said, we’ve heard that one before. They gladfully seized the offending contraband, ripped it open, and discovered six bags of epicurean dog food.
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So, well, yes, maybe you can win sometimes.
But don’t bet on it.
Now, whereas no one at U.S. Customs will admit it too loudly in public, the truth is that they’re not out to hassle the average couple who admit to bringing back a few dollars over their limit. What they’re basically looking for these days is drugs. Not that half-a-million dollars’ worth of semiprecious stones will go unnoticed. But the average traveler has very little to worry about – that is, as long as he plays by the rules. Customs inspectors are supposed to be as helpful as possible while trying to enforce the law under what have obviously become extremely difficult conditions. That’s why there are certain things you must never say to a Customs inspector. Among them are:
1. Where have I just come from? Nine years in Turkish prison. Ha, ha, just joking!
2. I always wear seven watches.
TASKS
Task 1. Answer the questions.
1. What Golden Rule is mentioned in the text?
2. Where did a woman arrive from?
3. Why didn’t she want to open her suitcase?
4. How did the Customs officer suggest helping her?
5. What did she immediately remember?
6. Who asked Bill Wyman of the Rolling Stones to deliver a package?
7. Did he get information about what was inside?
8. What happened in Heathrow?
9. What did the Customs inspector find in the package?
10. Why can’t you beat a professional at his own game?
Task 2. Say what you can remember about:
a) the incident with a woman returning from Paris;
b) the case with Bill Wyman of the Rolling Stones.
Task 3. The idiom “In the Driving Seat” means to control what happens. Translate the idioms.
a) in the hot seat
b) a head of the game
c) hand in glove
d) from scratch
Task 4. Answer the following questions.
1. What must the passenger do when going through the Customs?
2. What can be brought in/taken out duty free?
3. What things are dutiable? Why?
4. What prohibited and restricted goods do you know?
AT THE CUSTOMS OFFICE
A Frenchwoman who had never traveled abroad, decided to go to Great Britain for a holiday. She booked a seat for a plane as she wanted to get there as soon as possible. At the booking-office she found out that it would take her only two hours to get to London. She was very happy to hear it. She hurried home and began packing her things immediately as she was afraid to leave something important behind. So when she packed everything, she found to her great surprise, that she had two big suit-cases. She understood that it would be necessary for her to take a taxi. She ordered a taxi in advance to come to the airport on time.
On the day of her flight she checked her things again and was about to go downstairs where a taxi was waiting for her, when she suddenly remembered about her nice little dog. She could not leave the dog at home as there was no one who would look after the dog. So she decided to take the dog to Great Britain. The dog was very quiet and she hoped that everything would be all right during the flight.
The flight was very pleasant and she enjoyed it very much. The Frenchwoman thought that nobody noticed her dog. But just before the plane landed one of the passengers who was sitting near the woman told her that the English did not let foreigners bring dogs to their country. The woman did not know what to do. When the plane landed she put the dog under her coat and went to the Customs House. The dog was so little that she hoped the Customs officer wouldn’t notice it. At the Customs House she filled in all the necessary forms and came up to the Customs officer, who looked at her big suit-cases and asked if she had anything to declare.
“Oh, no,” she answered, “all the things are for my own use.”
“But do you know that you can’t bring dogs to our country?” asked the officer.
“But I have no dog,” answered the lady.
“Then I understand that the tail which is hanging down below your coat is your own,” said the Customs Officer.
TASKS
Task 1. Answer the questions.
1. Where did a Frenchwoman decide to travel to?
2. Had she ever traveled before?
3. Why did she start packing her things immediately?
4. What did she remember about on the day of her flight?
5. Why couldn’t she leave her nice dog at home?
6. What did one of the passengers who was sitting near her tell her about?
7. What did the woman do when the plane landed?
8. How did the Customs officer understand that she was bringing the dog to Great Britain?
Task 2. Give your viewpoint.
Before a dog or a cat is allowed into Great Britain it has to stay in quarantine for six months. Do you think it reasonable?
Task 3. Say what you can remember about the customs regulations in respect of pets and birds.
Task 4. What would you recommend that a passenger should do before visiting any foreign country together with the pet?
DUTCH CIGARETTES
One day a Frenchman went abroad for his holiday. He had an opportunity of visiting some countries and stayed a few weeks in Holland.
He went sightseeing a lot and like the Dutch towns very much. The country impressed him. Although the weather was not very good, as it often rained, he enjoyed his stay in Holland very much. He stayed at one of the best hotels there and was satisfied with everything.
One day he met a man who knew Dutch meals very well, so the man invited the Frenchman to a restaurant where they served national dishes. The Frenchman liked the dishes very much and they had an enjoyable time at the restaurant. But what he liked best of all were Dutch cigarettes. He smoked them every day and enjoyed them greatly. After he had spent some weeks in Holland he decided to go back to France. He bought a lot of Dutch cigarettes for his own use and put them into his suit-case. When he arrived at the French border, he was to go through the Customs. He found out that cigarettes were liable to duty. As he didn’t want to pay duty on them he took some cigarettes out of his suit-case, put them into his hat, then put the hat on. He thought that nobody would notice the cigarettes and asked the porter to take his luggage to the Customs House.
They soon came into the Customs House where the clerk was to inspect the luggage. The Frenchman was about to go through the Customs when he learned that the Director of the Customs House was his old friend whom he had not seen for a very long time. The Frenchman went to see him, and they were very glad to see each other. They had a nice talk and drank a few toasts to their friendship.
Some time later they went up to the Customs officer, and the Director said, “Let this gentleman pass. Don’t examine his luggage.” The Frenchman was so happy that he took off his hat to thank his friend. He had quite forgotten that there were cigarettes in it. And the cigarettes fell on the floor.
TASKS
Task 1. Answer the following questions.
1. What country did a Frenchman stay a few weeks in?
2. What hotel did he stay at?
3. What did the Frenchman do in the country?
4. What kind of the weather was there during his holiday?
5. Where was the man invited to?
6. What did he like best of all?
7. What did he buy before leaving the country?
8. What did he find out when he arrived at the French border?
9. Why did he take some cigarettes out of his suitcase and put them into his hat?
10. What did he learn when he was about to go through the Customs?
11. Were the two men glad to see each other?
12. How did it happen that the cigarettes fell on the floor?
Task 2. Over to you 1.
What dutiable articles do you knew?
Why are they dutiable?
Task 3. Over to you 2.
What are the Customs regulations in respect of these goods?
A PRESENT FROM STRASBOURG
The train from Calais was plastered with names. Strasbourg – Basle – Innsbruck – Salzburg – Vienna – Budapest – Bucharest.
I stood outside my carriage and looked at the placard, thinking how timeless the Grand European Expresses are. The whistle blew.
I had a meal in the dining-car and returned to my carriage. It was full of French people. They were reading Paris Match and Figaro. I fell asleep and woke up into night. All the French people had gone but there was an old man with an enormous ginger moustache. In the rack above his head was a huge wooden box. An undertaker? A florist? Did the box contain a body, a bomb, or begonias? However, he looked a sober, careful man, smoking a pipe. We nodded to each other. Somehow I was glad to see him, to fix my thoughts on him. After all, I thought, examining his beautiful moustache, I was a European, too.
“Where are we?” I asked in French.
He took out his pipe and shook his head.
I tried my poor German. “Are we in France, Switzerland, Austria, Hungary or Romania?” I asked.
“We are still in France,” he said. “Shortly we will be in Strasbourg.”
“Are you from Strasbourg?” I asked.
“No,” he said. “I live in Douai. I am going to the Strasbourg Fair.”
“But you are German.”
“Yes. But that is another thing. It is in the past. Now I breed certain small animals for the Strasbourg Fair. The Strasbourg Fair is a wonderful thing; it must be seen to believe. Particularly the section of the small animals.”
I looked up at the box above his head.
He smiled and nodded. “Rabbits,” he explained. He brought down the shiny, ancient box and opened it and out sprang the rabbits.
We fed them with lettuce and carrots and half an old sandwich, and then they were packed in the box, the train slowed down and it was Strasbourg. “Good luck with the rabbits,” I said, shaking him by the hand.
I slept again. Suddenly I was woken up.
Officials stood in the bright light.
“Where am I?” I asked in Spanish.
“Switzerland,” said an official. “Have you anything to declare?”
“Nothing,” I said.
“No cigarettes, spirits?”
“No,” I said.
“Is that your bag? May we open it?”
“Yes,” I said.
They opened it and somebody whistled. “A rabbit,” he said. “A really first-class rabbit. So, dutiable, Herr Kapitan?”
I jumped up and stared at the rabbit. “It’s not my rabbit,” I cried. “It’s for the Strasbourg Fair.” I explained my story.
“You have a British passport?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Then it is in order,” said the captain. In the Grand European Expresses, if nowhere else, the Englishman is a gentleman above reproach.
“Thank you,” I said. He gave me a sheet of paper and signed it.
Hours later, the lights were on again. A tall man in a green suit came in the carriage. “Good morning,” he said. “Welcome to Austria. Have you anything to declare?”
“A rabbit,” I said. I felt I would like Austria.
In the afternoon I arrived in Salzburg. I felt terribly tired. I found myself a guest house quite near the station. “I have a rabbit,” I told the proprietor’s wife, opening my bag.
“It is a fine rabbit,” she said admiringly.
“It would make a fine pet,” I said. “I present it to you.”
TASKS
Task 1. Answer the following questions.
1. What kind of train did the author of the story travel by?
2. Whom did he see having woken up into night? Describe him.
3. Was the man German or French?
4. Where was he traveling to?
5. Whom did he transport in the box?
6. What questions did the officers ask the author?
7. Why didn’t they impose a duty on the rabbit?
8. What happened in Austria?
9. Where did the author stay in Salzburg?
10. What did he give the proprietor’s wife as a present?
Task 2. Say what you can remember about:
a) the author’s travel;
b) meeting with an old who bred rabbies;
c) customs control in Switzerland.
Task 3. Answer the questions.
What documents are required when traveling with pets?
Why are pets to be vaccinated before traveling abroad?
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