Balance self-oriented with other-oriented goals
It's vital to avoid a one-sided focus on the question: "What's in it for me?" People will pick up on it quickly if you're only interested in your own needs. The more important the relationship to you, the more you need to convey the impression that helping that person is something that you enjoy doing or is important to you.
Relationship Building Skills
Put people at ease by being relaxed, telling entertaining stories, being open about yourself, admitting mistakes, thus showing appropriate humility, and spending time with people.
Active listening means more than just paying attention. It includes asking for elaboration by saying such things as "I see, tell me more." "And then what happened?" "How did that make you feel?" "What do you hope to get out of that?" Even just saying "I understand" and waiting to hear more counts as active listening.
Sensitivity to people's feelings. Even if you aren't naturally perceptive, not very quick to notice how people are feeling, you can take the time to ask periodically, especially during stressful times and when it is possible that something might have upset someone.
Trust means delivering on promises, being honest, not talking behind people's backs or badmouthing them. If you speak positively about others, as long as you are genuine and not articifial, people will assume that you don't likely say bad things about them.
Share information. This doesn't mean cc'ing everybody you know on every email you send. It's much more personal if, having discovered people's interests, you share information with them that is related to their interests.
Help others. Be quick to volunteer to help people, remembering the need to be strategic. You can't do everyone else's job for them, keeping in mind that you can't always expect people to do as much for you as you do for them.
Diplomatic assertiveness. Assert yourself diplomatically. Make suggestions in a sensitive manner, using questions if possible, like: "How would this work for you?"
Regular communication. With your most important relationships, that is your boss and key stakeholders within your team or across the organization, try to set up regular times to exchange information and ideas.
Conflict resolution. Resolve conflict promptly and in a collaborative, win-win manner before relationships degenerate.
Networking. Ask your contacts to introduce you to other key players in the organization or industry. Build relationships with them selectively.
Get feedback. Devise some method to get feedback on how people perceive you and their relationships with you. A one-page anonymous questionnaire is useful and not too time-consuming. You are like a business that needs feedback from your customers to be successful.
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