Phase 1: Establishing Common Intentions and Norms
People tend to question other people's motives when they are in conflict. This phase of dialogue establishes a group’s common intention to listen and learn from each other.
Many people have never participated in an intentionally designed dialogue process. Some cultural norms for communication run counter to the kind of deep listening and honest engagement required in dialogues. For many people, practicing these skills feels as foreign as trying to write one’s name with the opposite hand.
Setting norms, guidelines, or ground rules for dialogue helps prepare participants for this unique experience and signals that they may need to improvise or try out new ways of communicating. Groups whose participants already know each other may have high-quality communication in place and may not need to explicitly discuss these expectations. But groups of strangers almost always need some guidance about how they will engage with each other in this new, potentially unfamiliar communication setting.
There are three elements to establishing norms. These are creating a safe space, setting ground rules, and clarifying the role of the facilitator.
Creating Safe Space
At the outset of a dialogue, a facilitator's primary task is to help each person feel emotionally safe and offer reassurance that the facilitator will guard against verbal attacks or humiliation
| Ensuring a safe place for each person puts participants at ease. |
of participants during the dialogue. People’s perceptions of a facilitator’s personality and skills in creating this safe space are important. For example, the dialogue designer may call for the facilitator to greet participants upon arriving and connect one-on-one with them before the session starts. This can go a long way in putting people at ease.
Introducing the dialogue’s goal and focus helps to create safety for participants who may feel confused, uncertain, or tense. Clearly stating the purpose helps people to understand what is expected of them and helps them to relax.
Participant introductions are also essential in creating safe space. People want to know who else is present in the dialogue, where they are from, and perhaps some organizational affiliation, such as where they work or go to church. Perhaps the most essential aspect of introductions is giving participants an opportunity to say and hear from others about why they chose to participate in the dialogue. Introductions that ask people to share their motivations for joining the dialogue can help build trust, increase empathy among participants, and establish shared positive motivation. It is one of the most useful activities in the initial phase of a dialogue because it allows participants to connect with each other on their highest motivations for being involved in the process. In addition, it gives each participant experience in expressing his/her perspective within the setting.
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Some people tend to doubt others’ motivations. An even stronger tendency is for people to put the best possible spin on their own motivations. They may say, for example, that they want to “learn about others.” Usually people on all sides of an issue find that they share this goal.
Another useful technique for introductions is to ask participants to state something about themselves that is essentially unrelated to the topic at hand. Some examples are a hobby, a childhood nickname, number of siblings, a favorite artist or performer, or an attribute about themselves that usually surprises people. This exercise reminds people that each person is a unique human being and not just a member of a group related to a problem. Facilitators should decide how personal or whimsical to make this. For example, in a tense corporate setting, it may not be productive to ask people to reveal childhood nicknames. Whatever the question, it is important to use the same question for everyone.
Ground Rules or Guidelines
An additional technique for establishing safety and a good environment for dialogue involves setting ground rules immediately after introductions. Ground rules— sometimes also called dialogue guidelines—are a set of behavioral standards and goals that the group agrees to follow to create the best possible experience. Ground rules are important for several reasons.
First, setting ground rules serves to normalize an unusual process. In dialogue, the group designs and agrees to its own set of norms and guidelines. This is a unique aspect of dialogue. Rarely are social norms articulated or agreed upon by shared consensus. In sporting events, everyone expects rules of engagement, but someone else sets and enforces the rules. Setting guidelines together helps participants consciously choose to engage in the process and decide what behaviors to honor and protect.
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| Setting ground rules helps a group identify the behaviors it wants to protect. |
Secondly, setting guidelines together communicates that everyone in the group is essentially equal, at least with respect to the group’s task. This is also somewhat rare because most settings in which people interact involve some degree of hierarchy where someone is in authority over others. If the dialogue is based upon a collaborative search for truth among participants, it is vital that all of those involved have equal opportunity to participate fully in the process and no one is seen as the authority.
Generally, there are two ways to set ground rules. In a setting with time constraints, one approach is to list the ground rules and ask if people can comply with them. It is important that each person has a chance to modify or raise concerns about the rules. Beware of prematurely assuming that people have agreed to a set of ground rules when they have not. After ample opportunity to change the proposed ground rules, the facilitator can invite public agreement that the participants are willing to hold themselves and others accountable to the ground rules. Clearly, this is the most time-efficient strategy and allows the facilitator to quickly move into the dialogue.
| Sample of Basic Ground Rules 1. Recognize the power of deep listening. Listen to understand the other’s point of view rather than to prepare a defense of your own view. Try to listen more than you speak. 2. Respect others and refuse to engage in name-calling. People have the right to define themselves, but not others. 3. Speak about personal experiences. Start your sentences with “I” rather than “you.” “I experienced....” 4. Minimize interruptions and distractions. In general, people should be allowed to finish what they are saying without being interrupted directly or with side-talk between other participants. Also, people should silence their cell phones. 5. Maintain confidentiality. Outside the group, participants may discuss the content of what was said, not who said what. |
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Another approach is to elicit the ground rules from the group. When people invest thought and energy in developing ground rules, they are more likely to adhere to them. But the process can be very time consuming. Eliciting ground rules can be a helpful way to learn the concerns, fears, and other tendencies in the group.
We have separated the basic ground rules from those that might help groups go deeper.
| Ground Rules for Going Deeper 1. Ask questions. Ask honest, thought-provoking questions that give people the opportunity to explore and explain their underlying assumptions. 2. Stay through the hard times. Make a commitment to stay in the dialogue despite the tensions. 3. Aim to understand. The goal of dialogue is to increase understanding between individuals. The goal is not to solve the problem or agree on everything. 4. Recognize common ground. Every two people share something in common. Find it! 5. “Ouch, ” then educate. If someone says something hurtful, don't just disengage. Let the individual and the group know why it was hurtful. |
One strategy to align the group around ground rules is to ask, "Before we go any further, can we all agree to stay respectful and give everybody a chance to speak?" People will rarely say no, and this question gives you and others the capacity to point out when people are being disrespectful and are interrupting. Potentially the group agreement on this question can empower the facilitator to point out when some people are dominating the conversation.
Clarifying the Facilitator Role
A facilitator guides people through a dialogue process. Facilitators are process experts rather than experts on a subject area. They keep a dialogue focused, help participants consider a variety of views, and summarize group discussions. They model active listening and respectful speaking.
Chapter 6 details how to facilitate a dialogue. When explaining the role of a facilitator to a group, some of the more important points to clarify are these:
- Facilitators help the group explore similarities and differences of opinion. Facilitators do not promote or share their own opinions.
- Facilitators make sure that all participants get a chance to contribute to the dialogue.
- Facilitators bear primary responsibility for enforcing the ground rules, although the group also shares this responsibility collectively.
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