Match the words up with their meaning and give the Russian translation

grooming talk	expressed without enough skill or thought, and often in a way that is likely to upset people
much-vaunted	available to be shared, or given to someone because it is additional to what you need for yourself
flea	to react to something with a sudden expression on your face that shows you are embarrassed or feel pain
clumsy	behaving and talking in a loud and confident way that annoys other people
somewhat	chatting, preparing someone for a particular job or activity by giving them special training and attention
spare	generally praised or described as very important or successful
to clasp	to smile widely because you are very happy
brash	to some degree but not to a large degree
to beam	a small jumping insect that lives on animals and bites them
wince	to hold someone or something tightly with your hand

 

cringe	to go from one state to another without realizing it
baffle	a strong feeling of wanting or needing to do something
booboo	to change or influence something, to have a strong effect on someone's emotions
strike up a conversation	to say that something is definitely true because you know about it
vaguely	to start something such as a conversation with someone in an informal way
drift into	to control or limit something that is harmful
curb	fail to understand someone's behaviour or solve a problem
urge n.	because of a particular fact, considering
decline	a feeling of being nervous or ashamed because of what people know or think about you
affect	in a way that is not clear
confirm	done very carefully, giving a lot of attention to details
given	a mistake, especially an embarrassing one
scrupulous	a reduction in the amount or quality of something
embarrassment	to feel embarrassed or ashamed about something

 

impeccably	inability to make a decision what to do, nervousness and anxiety
self-conscious	ease and confidence in speech
ill-at-ease	the lack of ability or skill
stiff	tentatively moving smth (one’s hands) half way
glibness	perfectly in every way, faultlessly
dithering	embarrassed or worried about how you look or what other people think of you
ineptness	not confident or relaxed
half-proffered	very small or unimportant details
gossip	an emotional state in which someone or something is so important to you that you are always thinking about them, in a way that seems extreme to other people
to deal with	not likely to offend or upset anyone
minutiae [mai'nju:∫ii:]	to be in fact connected with someone or something
obsession	conversation about other people's private lives
have much to do with	formal/controlled
innocuous	to take action to do something, especially to solve a problem

 

naughty	to everyone, not just the particular people chosen for something
pry	not direct, simple, or short
fuss	stratum of society
linen	someone who likes to pry into personal lives of people
grumble	something very nice that you want very much but are not allowed to have
considering	a lot of unnecessary worry or excitement about something
forbidden-fruit	moral principles that prevent you from doing something you think is bad
curtain-twitcher	to be interested in someone's personal life in a way that is annoying or offensive
social setting	to complain, especially continuously and about unimportant things, moan
commodity	used in spoken English as a sentence adverb at the end of a sentence (making a comment on the whole sentence or clause)
to all and sundry	behaving badly, not obeying rules
scruples [u:]	an old word meaning 'underwear
roundabout	something that is useful or necessary

 

go to the tortured and devious lengths to	said or explained in an extremely clear way, so that you cannot doubt what is meant
clue	a doctor who deals with general medical problems and treats the families in a particular area
tend to	feeling that you should do something because you are expected to, or because it is morally right, even if you do not really want to do it
enigmatic	to let something become known, for example a secret or information that was previously not known
explicit	a piece of information that helps explain a situation or provide a solution to a problem
reveal	to make a guess or suggestion about something when you are not sure if it is true
honour-bound	usually do a particular thing
to hazard	to try in a very determined or unreasonable and cunning or roundabout way to achieve something
a GP	mysterious and difficult to understand

 

appropriate	mutually giving previously secret information
undue invasion	to do the same thing for someone that they have done for you
remote	probably going to happen, or probably true
suitably dysfunctional	an occasion when someone finds out or uses information about your private life, which is unnecessary or unreasonable
the reciprocal disclosure	to manage to get information from someone or to make someone react in that way
obliged	not connected or relevant to something
reflex	a reacting to something that you do very quickly, without thinking about it
to reciprocate with	suitable or right for a particular situation or purpose
gradually	not working normally, not happy or successful in a way that is right for a particular purpose or situation
elicit	forced to do something because it is the law, a rule, or a duty
likely	slowly and in small stages or amounts

 

highbrow	not important to what you are discussing or doing
striking	extremely important
stigma	going on talking thoroughly about something unpleasant that other people no longer want to talk or think about
stage whisper	guesses about why something has happened or what might happen
high-pitched	attracting your interest or attention because of some unusual feature
speculation	a feeling of great happiness and excitement
exhaustive raking	using words that are deliberately offensive because you are angry with someone
crucial	a word you use when you are angry, annoyed, or upset that might offend some people
irrelevant	likely to interest people who are interested in learning, culture, and art
lively	a way of speaking in which you pretend to talk very quietly but can be heard clearly by other people
expletive [ik'spli:tiv]	very high or nervous and animated
elation	a feeling that smth is wrong or embarrassing in some way
swearing	full of energy and enthusiasm

Exercises

A. Fill in the blanks with the suitable words and expressions:

Underlying, mockery, wit, banter, self-deprecation, distinctive, contrive

 

1. His conversation is full of ________ and wisdom.
2. In her work I see a ____________ pattern of laziness.
3. They seem to be trying to offend each other but in reality it’s just a friendly _______ .
4. He said in ______________ : “I am not worthy to kiss the ground she stepped on!”
5. John ____________ a devious scheme to make Portia notice him.
6. “This is a ___________ of justice!” – yelled the man upon hearing the sentence.
7. He said it calmly yet with a(n) _________________ threat in his voice.

 

 B. Answer the questions using the following words and expressions:

Glaring, endearing, proscription, earnestness, subtle, rooted in, arrogance

 

1. What is absolutely forbidden in your family?
2. In what situations can one absolutely not laugh?
3. What is the difference between stealing and mugging?
4. You child tells you that 2 X 2 equals six. What is your reaction?
5. What is the reason people sometimes are rude to strangers?
6. Why do educated people often think themselves superior to non-educated?
7. What animal do you consider cute and why?

 

C.  Translate using the following words and expressions:

Indulge in, pompous, feign, scornful, come off it, dismiss, ban n, gushing

 

1. Она была очень сентиментальна в своих письмах, когда касалась темы ее отношений с Джеймсом.

2. Он просто хвастливый идиот, у которого слишком много денег.

3. Уже пять лет он позволяет себе напиваться каждую субботу.

4. Я думаю, мы можем оставить подозрения, что он украл ту машину.

5. Запрещение на спиртные напитки породило множество нелегальных клубов.

6. Мэри притворилась безразличной, но было видно, что она едва сдерживает слезы.

7. С презрительной улыбкой он сказал, что уходит с работы.

8. Она любит меня! – Да хватит! Ты только об этом и говоришь.

 

D. Answer the questions using suitable words and expressions:

 

1. What kind of in-joke do you and your friends share?
2. Do parents need to be rigid with their children?
3. What kind of mood are you frequently given to?
4. When was last time a person called your bluff?
5. When was last time you tried to implement a plan that later backfired?
6. What author do you consider both prolific and good?
7. Do you have a fiancé?
8. What kind of news does one usually not trumpet?

GRAMMAR

 

1. В выражениях, описывающих пространственные отношения, предлог OFF часто имеет значение С ПОВЕРХНОСТИ:

 

He took the books off the table.

The gorillas were picking fleas off each other.

 

2. Выражение OR RATHER можно переводить как ТОЧНЕЕ:

 

People like having money – or rather, the possibility to buy the things they want. - Людям нравится иметь деньги, а точнее, возможность покупать то, что хочется.

 

TRANSLATE

 

Handshakes are now the norm in business introductions – or rather, they are the norm when people in business are introduced to each other for the first time.

 

3. THOUGH и HOWEVER могут употребляться в постпозиции:

 

He might come, I am not sure though. – Он, может, и придет, но я точно не знаю.

She can do it. She won’t however. – Она может это сделать. Но не сделает.

 

TRANSLATE

 

The English handshake is always somewhat awkward though.

 

4. Выражение TO HAPPEN To + INF переводится как ЕСЛИ ВАМ/МНЕ (И Т.Д.) СЛУЧИТСЯ … , ЕСЛИ ВЫ/ОН И Т.Д. КОГДА-ЛИБО … :

 

If you happen to see him, give him this letter. – Если вам случится увидеть его, передайте ему это письмо.

TRANSLATE

It often takes place at the party or pub or wherever you happen to be.

 

If you do not happen to have colleagues or relatives with dysfunctional marriages, you can always invent these people.

 

Unless you have just recently moved in and are ‘housewarming’, or happen to live in a particularly odd or unusual house (such as a converted lighthouse or church), it is considered rather lower-class to give visitors guided tours,

 

 

5. В конструкции ADJ + AS IT MAY / MIGHT SEEM / APPEAR / BE прилагательное, как видите, стоит в начале, а не после глагола:

 

Strong as he may seem, I am stronger. – Каким бы сильным он ни казался, я сильнее

Smart as she is, she didn’t guess the riddle. – Какой бы умной она ни была, загадку она не разгадала.

 

 

TRANSLATE

 

When you are introduced to a stranger, hesitation, dithering and ineptness are, surprising as it may seem, correct behaviour.

 

6. Конструкция WHATEVER + NOUN переводится выражением КАКИМ БЫ НИ ЯВЛЯЛСЯ (БЫЛ)/ЛИСЬ/ЛАСЬ …. Если перед существительным стоит прилагательное, то WHATEVER заменяется на HOWEVER:

 

Whatever the price, I’ll buy it. – Какой бы ни была цена, я это куплю.

However high the price is, I’ll buy it. – Какой бы высокой ни была цена…

 

TRANSLATE

 

‘How are you?’ is only treated as a ‘real’ question among very close personal friends or family; everywhere else, the automatic, ritual response is ‘Fine, thanks’, whatever your physical or mental state.

 

When the person’s occupation is finally revealed, it is customary, however boring or predictable this occupation might be, to express surprise.

 

Whatever your class or financial status, and whatever the value of the house you are moving into, it is customary to disparage the taste of the previous occupant.

 

However small, the yard is at least as important as the house.

 

Front gardens, however pretty and pleasant they might be to relax in, are for display only; they are for others to enjoy and admire, not their owners.

 

 

7. После конструкции AS IF / AS THOUGH следует употреблять простое прошедшее (WAS меняется на WERE) при одновременности действия/состояния и Past Perfect – при предшествовании:

 

She behaves as if she were a queen. – Она ведет себя, как будто она королева.

She behaves as though he father had died. - Она ведет себя так, как будто ее отец умер.

 

TRANSLATE

 

The standard response to ‘Yes, I am a doctor [or teacher, accountant, IT manager, secretary, etc.]’ is ‘Oh, really?!’ as though the occupation were both unexpected and fascinating.

 

The upper class people omit vowels in their speech wherever possible as though they were sending a frightfully expensive telegram.

 

Our reactions are always the same and minutely predictable, almost as though they had been choreographed.

 

8. Выражение TO BE (UN)LIKELY TO + VERB относится к конструкции Complex Subject:

 

She’s likely to be mad. – Скорее всего, она обозлится.

He’s unlikely to come. – Вряд ли он придет.

 

TRANSLATE

 

Some people are more likely to say that ‘Pleased to meet you’ is ‘incorrect’, and you will indeed still find etiquette books that confirm this.

 

Men were certainly found to be no more likely than women to discuss ‘important’ or ‘highbrow’ subjects such as politics, work, art and cultural matters – except when women were present.

 

The contents of lower-middle and some upper-working ‘front rooms’ are likely to be dominated by large television sets.

 

In the homes of the middle-middles and below, the ‘lounge’ (as they call it) is likely to have a fitted carpet.

 

The front garden is likely to be more carefully arranged, designed and tended than the back garden.

 

The English may not speak much on public transport, but when they do open their mouths, the words you are most likely to hear, apart from ‘sorry’, are ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ (the latter often shortened to ‘’anks’ or ‘’kyou’).

 

Everyone moans about time, for example, but junior and low-grade employees are more likely to complain that it passes too slowly.

 

The magazines people read are more likely to be of the hunting/shooting/ fishing sort than, say, football.

 

9. Слова, образованные сочетанием наречий HERE, WHERE, THERE с предлогами WITH, OF, BY, ON, UPON и т.д., имеют значение WITH WHICH/THAT/IT, OF WHICH/THAT/IT, ON WHICH/THAT/IT и т.д.:

 

He finished and everybody applauded thereupon = He finished upon which everybody applauded – Он закончил, после чего все зааплодировали.

 

TRANSLATE

 

This is the rule whereby people try to achieve some balance in their conversations.

 

Somewhat more helpful was the ‘information exception’, whereby one may break the denial rule to ask for vital information, such as ‘Is this the right train for Paddington?’ or ‘Does this one stop at Reading?’

 

We say nothing when athletes get the salaries they get. Until, that is, there is some accusation of cheating, whereupon we all seethe with righteous indignation.

 

10. Конструкция JUST AS …. SO переводится КАК … ТАК И. Чаще она употребляется в отрицательных предложениях, констатирующих некое общее правило:

 

Just as you do not eat somebody else’s food in a café, you do not wear other people’s clothes. – Как не принято есть еду других людей в кафе, так не следует носить и одежду других людей.

 

TRANSLATE

 

Just as you would not ask a professional topless model to take her top off at a family Sunday lunch, so you do not ask professional soul-barers to bare their souls over the canapés at a private party.

 

11. Конструкция IT IS / WAS … THAT является усилительной:

 

It is by means of money that the world goes around. – Именно деньгами движется мир.

 

TRANSLATE

 

It is only in mixed-sex groups, that the proportion of male conversation time devoted to more ‘highbrow’ subjects increases dramatically, to between 15 and 20 per cent.

 

12. Выражение TO SEEM/APPEAR TO + VERB относится к конструкции Complex Subject:

 

He seems to be smart. – Он кажется умным.

John seemed to have stopped wanting to be my friend. – Казалось, Джон уже перестал хотеть быть моим другом.

 

TRANSLATE

 

English men, according to my female informants, just don’t seem to have grasped this rule.

 

Many English people seem to believe that we have some sort of global monopoly, if not on humour itself, then at least on certain ‘brands’ of humour.

 

The pollsters and pundits cannot seem to agree on whether our shamefully low voting turnout is due to cynicism or apathy.

 

On these occasions, English passengers appear suddenly to become aware of each other’s existence.

 

13. Слово THUS, в зависимости от контекста, может переводиться как ТАК или СЛЕДОВАТЕЛЬНО:

 

An article thus written cannot be published. – Статья, написанная в таком стиле, не может быть опубликована.

 

We were not invited. Thus we will not go. – Нас не приглашали. Следовательно, мы не придем.

 

TRANSLATE

 

It can thus sometimes be rather hard to tell exactly which of the three permitted emotions an Englishman is attempting to express.

 

Harsh winters are rare in England. Snow is thus always excellent conversation-fodder.

 

You never want to be the last person to leave. Thus, as soon as one person, couple or family stands up and starts making apologetic noises about traffic, baby-sitters, or the lateness of the hour, everyone else immediately looks at their watch, with exclamations of surprise, jumps to their feet and starts hunting for coats and bags and saying preliminary goodbyes.

 

MATCH UP DIALOGUE PARTS

PART 1 (first sentence)

I don’t like his brash manner of speaking.	You see the man over there? This is Jim I was telling you about. He was demoted for his ineptness.	At the party I drifted into conversation with Joanna, now I feel the urge to call her! She’s a striking woman!	Why are people attracted to everything that is dangerous and enigmatic?
Did you see this much-vaunted movie?	Wow, look how impeccably dressed James is.	I don’t mean to pry but did the boss confirm raising our salaries?	He is strange. He half-proffered his hand to me yet withdrew it at the last moment. And I clearly saw the look of embarrassment on his face.
How did he manage to strike up a conversation with her? She cringes every time anybody addresses her.	Martha is so clumsy! Every time I have to deal with her, she breaks something.	Why is there such a stigma attached to smoking in this country? What’s all the fuss about? I think it rather innocuous.	Oil is a precious commodity nowadays. It has gradually replaced wood and metal.
Why did you wince when you petted his dog?	Why is he beaming? Didn’t the death of his mother affect him?	Santa Claus does not give present to naughty children, but is honor-bound to reward the good.

PART 2 (reply, reaction)

He’s devastated, he just does not reveal it to all and sundry.	Well, he pretended to be so ill-at-ease himself that she relaxed.	Neither do I, it baffles me why he thinks himself so important.
You should have seen the fleas!	I did. I found it somewhat pretentious.	Yes, I vaguely recall the story.	Yes, clothes are his obsession.
Yes, but my son tends to think that it’s appropriate to behave well for a week before Christmas only. I was obliged to tell him he was wrong.	No, he actually declined it, saying that, considering the crisis, we should not grumble but be thankful for not losing our jobs at all.	Her phone’s likely to be in the phone directory. When you gave her your last name, did she reciprocate?	Well, don’t. It’s crucial that you not smoke anywhere except at home. That’s the only social setting you can do it in.
True. Yet my speculation is that a good alternative fuel is about to appear.	It has to do with her upbringing. She never had to do anything in her life.	I will hazard a guess. It’s a forbidden-fruit effect.	Well, he’s probably from England, very self-conscious and remote.

GROOMING-TALK. PART 1

 

I described weather-speak in the previous chapter as a form of ‘grooming-talk’. Most of the much-vaunted human capacity for complex language is in fact devoted to such talk – the verbal equivalent of picking fleas off each other or mutual back-scratching.

 

Awkwardness Rules

 

As it is, our introductions and greetings tend to be uncomfortable, clumsy and inelegant.

Handshakes are now the norm in business introductions – or rather, they are the norm when people in business are introduced to each other for the first time. Ironically, the first introduction, where a degree of formality is expected, is the easiest. (Note, though, that the English handshake is always somewhat awkward, very brief, performed ‘at arm’s length’, and without any of the spare-hand involvement – clasping, forearm patting, etc. – found in less inhibited cultures.)

 

The No-name Rule

 

The ‘brash American’ approach: ‘Hi, I’m Bill from Iowa,’ particularly if accompanied by an outstretched hand and beaming smile, makes the English wince and cringe. The American tourists and visitors I spoke to during my research had been both baffled and hurt by this reaction. ‘I just don’t get it,’ said one woman. ‘You say your name and they sort of wrinkle their noses, like you’ve told them something a bit too personal and embarrassing.’ ‘That’s right,’ her husband added. ‘And then they give you this tight little smile and say “Hello” – kind of pointedly not giving their name, to let you know you’ve made this big social booboo. What the hell is so private about a person’s name, for God’s sake?’

I ended up explaining, as kindly as I could, that the English do not want to know your name, or tell you theirs, until a much greater degree of intimacy has been established – like maybe when you marry their daughter. Rather than giving your name, I suggested, you should strike up a conversation by making a vaguely interrogative comment about the weather (or the party or pub or wherever you happen to be). This must not be done too loudly, and the tone should be light and informal, not earnest or intense. The object is to ‘drift’ casually into conversation, as though by accident. Even if the other person seems happy enough to chat, it is still customary to curb any urges to introduce yourself.

 

The ‘Pleased to Meet You’ Problem

 

In a small social gathering such as a dinner party, the host may solve the name problem by introducing guests to each other by name, but these are still awkward moments, as the decline of ‘How do you do?’ means that no-one is quite sure what to say to each other when introduced in this manner.

 

The most common solution, nowadays, is ‘Pleased to meet you’ (or ‘Nice to meet you’ or something similar). But in some social circles – mainly upper-middle class and above, although some at the higher end of middle-middle are affected – the problem with this common response is that it is just that: ‘common’, meaning a lower-class thing to say. The people who hold this view may not put it quite like this – they are more likely to say that ‘Pleased to meet you’ is ‘incorrect’, and you will indeed still find etiquette books that confirm this. The explanation offered by some etiquette books is that one should not say ‘Pleased to meet you’ as it is an obvious lie: one cannot possibly be sure at that point whether one is pleased to meet the person or not. Given the usual irrationalities, dishonesties and hypocrisies of English etiquette, this seems unnecessarily and quite uncharacteristically scrupulous.

 

The Embarrassment Rule

 

In fact, the only rule one can identify with any certainty in all this confusion over introductions and greetings is that, to be impeccably English, one must perform these rituals badly. One must appear self-conscious, ill-at-ease, stiff, awkward and, above all, embarrassed. Smoothness, glibness and confidence are inappropriate and un-English. Hesitation, dithering and ineptness are, surprising as it may seem, correct behaviour. Introductions should be performed as hurriedly as possible, but also with maximum inefficiency. If disclosed at all, names must be mumbled; hands should be tentatively half-proffered and then clumsily withdrawn; the approved greeting is something like ‘Er, how, um, plstm-, er, hello?’

 

THE RULES OF ENGLISH GOSSIP

 

… the most common form of grooming-talk among friends, in England as elsewhere, is gossip. The English are certainly a nation of gossips. Recent studies in this country have shown that about two-thirds of our conversation time is entirely devoted to social topics such as who is doing what with whom; who is ‘in’, who is ‘out’ and why; how to deal with difficult social situations; the behaviour and relationships of friends, family and celebrities; our own problems with family, friends, lovers, colleagues and neighbours; the minutiae of everyday social life – in a word: gossip.

 

Privacy Rules

 

What I am suggesting is that gossip may be particularly important to the English, because of our obsession with privacy. When I conducted interviews and focus-group discussions on gossip with English people of different ages and social backgrounds, it became clear that their enjoyment of gossip had much to do with the element of ‘risk’ involved. Although most of our gossip is fairly innocuous (criticism and negative evaluations of others account for only five per cent of gossip time), it is still talk about people’s ‘private’ lives, and as such involves a sense of doing something naughty or forbidden.

 

I would add that a disproportionate number of our most influential social rules and maxims are concerned with the maintenance of privacy: we are taught to mind our own business, not to pry, to keep ourselves to ourselves, not to make a scene or a fuss or draw attention to ourselves, and never to wash our dirty linen in public. It is worth noting here that ‘How are you?’ is only treated as a ‘real’ question among very close personal friends or family; everywhere else, the automatic, ritual response is ‘Fine, thanks’, ‘OK, thanks’, ‘Oh, mustn’t grumble’, ‘Not bad, thanks’ or some equivalent, whatever your physical or mental state. If you are terminally ill, it is acceptable to say ‘Not bad, considering’.

As a result, thanks to the inevitable forbidden-fruit effect, we are a nation of curtain-twitchers, endlessly fascinated by the tabooed private lives of the ‘members of our social setting’. The English may not gossip much more than any other culture, but our privacy rules significantly enhance the value of gossip. The laws of supply and demand ensure that gossip is a precious social commodity among the English. ‘Private’ information is not given away lightly or cheaply to all and sundry, but only to those we know and trust.

 

The Guessing-game Rule

 

It is not considered entirely polite, for example, to ask someone directly ‘What do you do?’, although if you think about it, this is the most obvious question to put to a new acquaintance, and the easiest way to start a conversation. But in addition to our privacy scruples, we English seem to have a perverse need to make social life difficult for ourselves, so etiquette requires us to find a more roundabout, indirect way of discovering what people do for a living. It can be most amusing to listen to the tortured and devious lengths to which English people will go to ascertain a new acquaintance’s profession without actually asking the forbidden question. The guessing game, which is played at almost every middle-class social gathering where people are meeting each other for the first time, involves attempting to guess a person’s occupation from ‘clues’ in remarks made about other matters.

 

Everyone knows the rules of this game, and most people tend to offer helpful ‘clues’ early in the conversation, to speed the process along. Even if you are shy, embarrassed about your job, or trying to be enigmatic, it is considered very rude to prolong the clue-hunting stage of the game for too long, and once someone makes an explicit guess, you are obliged to reveal your occupation. It is almost equally impolite to ignore any obvious ‘clue-dropping’ by your new acquaintance. If (to continue the medical theme) he or she mentions in passing that ‘My surgery is just round the corner from here’, you are honour-bound to hazard a guess: ‘Oh, so – you’re a GP?’

When the person’s occupation is finally revealed, it is customary, however boring or predictable this occupation might be, to express surprise. The standard response to ‘Yes, I am a doctor [or teacher, accountant, IT manager, secretary, etc.]’ is ‘Oh, really?!’ as though the occupation were both unexpected and fascinating. This is almost invariably followed by an embarrassed pause, as you search desperately for an appropriate comment or question about the person’s profession – and he or she tries to think of something modest, amusing, but somehow also impressive, to say in response.

The distance rule allows gossip to perform its vital social functions – social bonding; clarification of position and status; assessment and management of reputations; transmission of social skills, norms and values – without undue invasion of privacy.

 

If, for example, you want to find out about an English person’s attitudes and feelings on a sensitive subject, such as, say, marriage, you do not ask about his or her own marriage – you talk about someone else’s marriage, preferably that of a remote public figure not personally known to either of you. When you are better acquainted with the person, you can discuss the domestic difficulties of a colleague or neighbour, or perhaps even a friend or relative. (If you do not happen to have colleagues or relatives with suitably dysfunctional marriages, you can always invent these people.)

 

The Reciprocal Disclosure Strategy

 

If you are determined to find out about your new English friend’s own marital relations, or any other ‘private’ matter, you will probably have to resort to the Reciprocal Disclosure Strategy. There is a more or less universal rule whereby people almost unconsciously try to achieve some degree of symmetry or balance in their conversations, such that if you tell them something about your own ‘private’ life, the other person will feel obliged, if only out of reflex politeness, to reciprocate with a comparably personal disclosure. You can then gradually escalate the level of intimacy by making your next disclosure somewhat more revealing, in the hope of eliciting an equivalent response, and so on.

 

Exception to the Privacy Rules

 

There is a curious exception to the privacy rules, which, although it applies only to a certain rather privileged section of English society, is worth mentioning as it tells us something about Englishness. I call it the ‘print exception’: we may discuss in print (newspapers, magazines, books, etc.) private matters that we would be reluctant or embarrassed to talk about with, say, a new acquaintance at a party. It may seem strange or even perverse, but it is somehow more acceptable to divulge details of one’s personal life in a book, newspaper column or magazine article than to do so in the much less public arena of a small social gathering.

Actually, this is one of those ‘exceptions that proves the rule’, in that what it really tells us is that the vogue for confessional journalism and other candid writing has not significantly affected the rules of behaviour in everyday English life. A newspaper or magazine columnist may tell millions of complete strangers about her messy divorce, her breast cancer, her eating disorder, her worries about cellulite, or whatever, but she will not take kindly to being asked personal questions about such matters by an individual stranger at a private social event. Her taboo-breaking is purely professional; in real life, she observes the English privacy and distance rules like everyone else, discussing private matters only with close friends, and regarding personal questions from anyone outside this inner circle as impertinent and intrusive. Just as you would not ask a professional topless model to take her top off at a family Sunday lunch, so you do not ask professional soul-barers to bare their souls over the canapés at a private party.

 

Sex Differences in English Gossip Rules

 

Men were certainly found to be no more likely than women to discuss ‘important’ or ‘highbrow’ subjects such as politics, work, art and cultural matters – except (and this was a striking difference) when women were present. On their own, men gossip, with no more than five per cent of conversation time devoted to non-social subjects such as work or politics. It is only in mixed-sex groups, where there are women to impress, that the proportion of male conversation time devoted to these more ‘highbrow’ subjects increases dramatically, to between 15 and 20 per cent.

In fact, recent research has revealed only one significant difference, in terms of content, between male and female gossip: men spend much more time talking about themselves. Of the total time devoted to conversation about social relationships, men spend two thirds talking about their own relationships, while women only talk about themselves one third of the time.

 

… there is a stigma attached to gossip among English males, an unwritten rule to the effect that, even if what one is doing is gossiping, it should be called something else. Perhaps even more important: it should sound like something else. In my gossip research, I found that the main difference between male and female gossip is that female gossip actually sounds like gossip. There seem to be three principal factors involved: the tone rule, the detail rule and the feedback rule.

 

The Tone Rule

 

The English women I interviewed all agreed that a particular tone of voice was considered appropriate for gossip. The gossip-tone should be high and quick, or sometimes a stage whisper, but always highly animated. ‘Gossip’s got to start with something like [quick, high-pitched, excited tone] “Oooh – Guess what? Guess what?”’ explained one woman, ‘or “Hey, listen, listen [quick, urgent, stage-whisper] – you know what I heard?”’ Another told me: ‘You have to make it sound surprising or scandalous, even when it isn’t really. You’ll go, “Well, don’t tell anyone, but . . .” even when it’s not really that big of a secret.’

 

The Detail Rule

 

Females also stressed the importance of detail in the telling of gossip, and again bemoaned the shortcomings of males in this matter, claiming that men ‘never know the details’.

For women, this detailed speculation about possible motives and causes, requiring an exhaustive raking over ‘history’, is a crucial element of gossip, as is detailed speculation about possible outcomes. English males find all this detail boring, irrelevant and, of course, un-manly.

 

The Feedback Rule

 

Among English women, it is understood that to be a ‘good gossip’ requires more than a lively tone and attention to detail: you also need a good audience, by which they mean appreciative listeners who give plenty of appropriate feedback. The feedback rule of female gossip requires that listeners be at least as animated and enthusiastic as speakers. The reasoning seems to be that this is only polite: the speaker has gone to the trouble of making the information sound surprising and scandalous, so the least one can do is to reciprocate by sounding suitably shocked. English men, according to my female informants, just don’t seem to have grasped this rule. They do not understand that ‘You are supposed to say “NO! Really?” and “Oh my GOD!”’

 

English males are allowed to express emotion. Well, they are allowed to express some emotions. Three, to be precise: surprise, providing it is conveyed by expletives; anger, generally communicated in the same manner; and elation/triumph, which again often involves shouting and swearing. It can thus sometimes be rather hard to tell exactly which of the three permitted emotions an Englishman is attempting to express.

WRITE A DIALOGUE WITH THE WORDS AND EXPRESSIONS BELOW. TOPIC: YOU ARE GOSSIPING ABOUT SOMEONE

 

cringe

baffle

flea

clumsy

much-vaunted

to beam

wince

vaguely

considering

commodity

 

WRITE A COMPOSITION WITH THE WORDS AND EXPRESSIONS BELOW. 

TOPIC: IS IT OK TO GOSSIP?

 

have much to do with

clue

minutiae

obsession

pry

gossip

affect

impeccably

self-conscious

decline

to deal with

GROOMING-TALK. Part II

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