Phase 2: Sharing Experiences and Perceptions
The second key component in dialogue design is sharing experiences. People often do not recognize that every person experiences life in a unique way. Learning in dialogue comes through exploring the similarities and differences in the experiences of people from different backgrounds. In the best circumstances, people see that their beliefs about an issue are shaped by their unique experiences, and that others’ different understandings or opinions often grow out of different experiences.
Warming Up
The facilitator should have a general plan for how to get past introductions and into the topic. Before the group begins to probe the difficult aspects of a topic, it is often useful to ask people to share an experience related to the topic. For example, “Describe an early time in your life when you felt like an outsider.” Such a question works well early in the dialogue for a number of reasons.
First, these types of questions are educational and evoke empathy as people relate to experiences of vulnerability. Second, if the dialogue is made up of “insiders,” or majorities, and “outsiders,” or minorities, people in the minority may have never heard of someone in the majority feeling like an outsider. Minority or “out-group” members recognize the “in-group” status of others, and often think a person’s status is fixed. Dynamics among children make “outsider” experiences almost universal. It is useful for out-group members to recognize that everyone can relate, at some level, to being an outsider.
Getting and Staying Personal
Facilitators need to pose a neutral question or a set of questions that requires participants to explore their experiences. For example, a dialogue on homosexuality might begin with a neutral question such as “How did you first learn about homosexuality?” A dialogue on community
development might begin with a question such as “Share a story about a time when this community really worked well together.”
Dialogue requires clear and open-ended questions that allow every participant to share an experience that is relevant to the topic. The questions should elicit an entire set of stories that highlights the diversity of the issues. It is essential that the questions help the group honor every person’s experience as valuable additions.
Ideally, each participant will share in some depth about his or her own experiences. Facilitators may need to remind people not to stray into speculating how other people believe or to generalize their own experiences to others in their group. The goal is to get beyond stereotypes.
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The following types of questions can help keep people focused on telling their own stories.
Involving All Participants
The questions should not privilege any one group or focus on the experiences of only some participants. It is important that the facilitator show authentic interest in every person and ensure that all experiences are heard.
Sample Questions for Sharing Experiences
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For example, as a first question in a dialogue about race relations, asking “What did your parents teach you about race?” is generally more helpful than asking “What did your parents teach you about racial oppression?” The question about racial oppression might encourage the group who has experienced racial oppression to share their stories, and may inhibit those who have not experienced racial oppression. The phrasing of the question itself suggests that certain people in the room have experiences that are more real and/or relevant to the topic than other participants.
Phrasing questions with a perceived bias has numerous negative consequences for the group. First, it reinforces stereotypes rather than helps people think beyond them. Group members who feel that their experiences are not valued may withdraw from participating, either by leaving the group altogether or by “checking out” psychologically. Once this happens, those who chose to share their experiences may feel that they were “put on display” by the process and become resentful themselves.
Clearly, these dynamics can become destructive to individuals and to the group. To maximize dialogue’s potential, each member of the group must feel like he or she has something valuable to contribute.
Adding Analysis to Sharing Experiences
One risk during this stage is that some participants will begin to add their analysis or opinions of a problem when they share their personal experiences. Facilitators can encourage participants to stay focused on describing their own experiences while listening and asking questions of other participants' experiences. Yet the facilitator does not want to shut down the discussions. Such comments are part of the overall education of each participant.
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If this phase is handled well, participants recognize how experiences shape perceptions or opinions of the issue at hand. Some participants might resist this idea. A few will blame or doubt others whose experiences have led to different opinions than their own. Phase 3 gives participants a chance to explore why people have different experiences and perceptions.
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