Listen to the recording, transcribe the poem, indicate intonation, read, learn the poem by heart and recite it in class.

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by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise.

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools.

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

/_________________________________

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Telling anecdotes

‘As you go along you must visualize the scene, the characters, their speech, their movements. See it all happening as a coloured film in your mind. Then describe it for the audience.’

C.N. MacKay, Speak for Yourself

Think carefully about how you are going to tell your anecdotes:

• Try to visualize the setting and the event.

• Think of a suitable lead-in.

• Organize your preamble efficiently so that it is not too long.

• Think about how you can create mood or atmosphere to match the type of anecdote you are telling.

• Use direct speech and create character and interest through the way you use your voice.

• Plan how you are going to give the punch-line.

Exercises

• You will hear a woman telling an anecdote. As you listen, notice

• the ‘lead-in’: how does she inform her listener that she is about to tell an anecdote?

• the preamble/background to the story: what information is needed to set the scene?

• how she reports conversation: does she use direct or indirect speech?

In a Bookshop (outline)

Browsing in a bookshop one day, a novelist noticed a woman buying a copy of his most recent book, together with an edition of Shakespeare’s collected plays. As the customer approached the cash desk, the novelist stopped her and asked her if she would like him to autograph his book. The woman asked him, ‘Which one?’

In a Bookshop (reproduction)

A friend of mine told me a funny story the other day about himself. And should say, by the way, that he’s a novelist and he just had a novel published and it was on display in all the bookshops. Anyway, he was browsing in a bookshop one day, you know, just looking at the books, and there was a woman in the shop at the same time and he saw that she was buying a copy of his book and she was also buying a copy of Shakespeare’s plays, you know, one of those collected editions of Shakespeare’s plays. So when she went out to the cash-desk to pay for her two books, he came up to her and said, “Excuse me, madam, but would you like me to sign my book?” And she looked at him somewhat surprised and said, “Oh, yes, of course, which one?”

• Use these outlines to tell the anecdotes.

• A millionairess kept a pet mongrel dog that she was very fond of. Unfortunately it sometimes used to bite her visitors. Most of the dog’s victims, anxious not to offend the millionaires, tolerated the animal. One friend, however, had had enough and told her friend that dog had just bitten her again and should be get rid of. The millionairess refused: ‘He loves me and he doesn’t know how rich I am.’

• During a visit to a small English town, Prince Philip (the husband of Queen Elizabeth) stopped to talk to two very old ladies. One of them boasted to Prince Philip that she was a hundred and four, and her friend was a hundred and one. Prince Philip smiled and replied that he didn’t believe her because ladies always take ten years off their age.

• The conductor, Thomas Beecham, had a friend called Utica Welles. When they were out walking one day, Beecham told her that he didn’t like her first name and would like to change it. She said he couldn’t, but he could change her surname. And so they were married.

Self-study texts

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